


Batman: Jason Gets Disgusting

by TowerofBabel



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman and Robin (Comics), Robin: Son of Batman (Comics)
Genre: Damian Wayne is Robin, Damian Wayne is a Little Shit, Gen, Jason Todd has jock itch, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Jason Todd is a kid, Jason Todd's childish antics, Jason is a Dork, Jason-centric, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:02:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27807994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TowerofBabel/pseuds/TowerofBabel
Summary: After being rescued by Batman, Nightwing and others, Jason and Damian combat an unsuspecting enemy. Sand flees. After being turned into a kid by Jake Handles 'shrink ray', Jason has a nasty case of jock itch and he doesn't care who sees him scratch. Luckily, Batman has a cure, and Jason does something disgusting with it.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Jason Todd, Jason Todd & Damian Wayne, Jason Todd/Bruce Wayne
Kudos: 21





	Batman: Jason Gets Disgusting

Jason Todd scratched himself where no modest male should in mixed company and reached deep into his pants, into his shorts.

As the others conversed amongst themselves about what to do next against Jake Handles, Jason tried to relieve the major pain in his groin—a burning, almost stinging inch. He felt he had little choice in the matter because it hurt like hell.

He wanted to take a look at it, undress, hoping he hadn't been stung by a small jellyfish or an aquatic insect when he was bathing in the ocean earlier. But he knew he couldn't with everyone around. But if he had been stung he would've felt it immediately, especially if he had been a jellyfish.

An episode of a one of his favourite comedic series came to mind. It was about when someone had been stung by a jellyfish on the beach. The whole episode was about how one of his friends had helped him with the pain and how the rest of his friends reacted. Urine is proactive in dealing with jellyfish stings. Not only did it counteract the pain, but also the numbness it brought. So, if he had been stung by a jellyfish, however unhygienic it was—though if absolutely necessary, he would do it—he could urine in his pants.

But this was something else—an insect bite? He knew it could be next to anything. Sand was home to all sorts of indigenous insects, many of which wouldn't hesitate to attack humans if they encroached upon their domain. Fire ants, to name one. He just hoped when he laid his clothes out to dry on the sand after he washed them, he hadn't inadvertently placed it over an ant colony, or some other bug colony, and they attached themselves to his clothes—then bit him.

He thought no one was looking and continued to scratch himself with his back turned towards the others as they talked in a circle: Bruce, Dick, Barbara, and Arkells. Even after a rough start, Arkells was beginning to fit in well with the Batfamily.

At first, Arkells had suicidal tendencies and wanted Bruce to kill him, fearing the AI of his self-built Batcomputer he had fused with was going to override his own humanity. It was an honest fear, humans often feared what they didn't understand. But now, he felt at ease. His fears alleviated and denounced. The AI was a part of him and it had no intentions of harming him. And in truth—Arkells telling everyone in a moment's calm—the AI was actually helping him deal with his mental illness. So, things were good.

He only wished Tim didn't act as stupid as he did and cause is own paralysis when the Neuro-Diffuser was injected into his nervous system. Dick had told everyone that Alfred was looking after Tim until the paralysis wore off which Barbara had discovered was only temporary. But his recovery, supposedly, would take a while. Unless something dramatic happened to change things?

Just then, Damian looking over his shoulder, said, "Todd, what the hell are you doing?"

Jason started, even voiced an Eep! But continued to scratch as if his life depended on it. At the moment, he didn't care who saw him. The inch was so bad that leaving it alone would be a tantamount to a living torture. He hissed from the sting, then said: "I think, earlier, when I was in the water, I didn't know, I think I got contaminated sand in my shorts or— _ouch!_ "

"Sand flees," Damian said. "When I awoke after you rescued me from Handles' mind control, and I saw you washing yourself in the ocean, I saw you had left your clothes on the sand. I bet one or two small sand flees crawled in. They are common on beaches."

"Crap! What the hell do I do about it then if it is sand flees?"

"Kill them and then treat the bites with cream," Damian advised.

"Um, whatcha doing?" came Jon Kent's voice, suddenly joining the pair. "Why do you have you hand down your pants, Jason?"

 _So much for privacy_ , Jason thought.

Suddenly, Jason felt something crawl on his inner right thigh. He reached over and crushed it. It was small, but it may have been the sand flee that bit him. One was enough to cause damage. He hoped it was only just the one.

He scratched further.

"Don't scratch it, you idiot," Damian's voice elevated. "You'll only make it worse. Sand flee bites are like mosquito bites, they sting the more you scratch."

"I can't help it!"

Out of the corner of his eye, Jason saw someone looking at him. Then the rest of the party joined.

Nightwing was front and centre with his hands on his hips. "We're formulating a strategy here against Jake Handles, guys, and you should be listening. Instead, I find you goofing off. This is serious. Is there a problem?"

"Ow!" Jason voiced, as he scratched.

Damian signed. "There's no other way to say this: Todd may have been bitten by sand flees." Damian then explained the how and why, as Jason scratched away not caring who saw, voicing his hurt: " _Ow! Ow! Ow! Damn it!_ "

Arkells burst out laughing. "Good thing we have the comic relief on this mission or it would get boring," he said facetiously.

"Hey, it's not funny!" Jason retorted. "It really hurts!"

Nightwing shook his head and smirked. Barbara had a hand over her mouth to stop herself from laughing out loud.

Batman stood serious. He then reached into a pouch of his Utility Belt and took out a small tube of hydrocortisone cream, tossing it to Jason. Jason caught it with his free hand. The cream was good for scraps and cuts to prevent infection, it also treated burns and gave temporary protection to skin rashes. It was also known to work well on insect bites.

Jason took out his hand from is pants, squirted a large glob into it, and then inserted his hand back down, spreading it throughout the hurt area. Almost immediately, he felt it, and expressed a sigh of relief as the cooling agent took effect.

Barbara couldn't help it any longer and started to laugh. Nightwing had some restraint. But anyone who saw his face could see he was fighting the want to laugh.

Jason removed his hand, it was all greasy and oiling now, but at least the inching stopped. "Ah, that feels a hellva lot better," he said. He then wiped his hand on his pants. Trying to wash off the cream with water wouldn't work. Water and oil didn't mix. "Thanks, Bruce. That Utility belt really comes in handy sometimes. Now, if you only had a gun to give me. That would be superb."

Batman looked at Jason with a common stare, catching the sarcasm. Jason knew Batman never used guns, but he never missed a chance to call him on it, especially with all the new villains coming out of the woodwork using high-tech weapons these days. And Jason—Red Hood—was never one to shy away from using high-tech gadgets himself, learning from every new threat, adapting his own tactics, and adding to his own vast arsenal to match gun-for-gun. Gun collecting was a hobby for him.

Bruce failed to protect him against the Joker, so he armed himself to the teeth. Protecting himself, and doing what Bruce could not—a vigilante by another name.

**Author's Note:**

> Funny scene from my Batman Novel: Nightwing Junior


End file.
